My name is Jen and I'm a vegan. Kinda.
If you had asked me a couple of weeks ago if I was a vegan I would have most cheerily, most virtuously responded: "Definitely!!! Totally a vegan. Yup, that's me." "Oh, about ten years. " "No! It's not hard at all. You should really try it. It's amazing. It will change your life."
But I am about to share a dirty little secret with you. Blow the whistle on this whole veg eatin' operation. I am about to go all Norma Rae on your be-hind…..
I. Cheat. Like…a lot.
In fact, one might (might) go so far as to say that I am not a vegan at all. But…how...how could this be?!?! I went vegan! I remember it very clearly. I cracked my last egg. Chocolated my last milk. My brother wrote a paper about me for his 5th grade class, for the love of cows! So what the nuggets happened??? Well, I'll tell you, my Veggies.
Last month I went to Alicia Silverstone's book signing for her vegan manifesto The Kind Life.(FANTASTIC book FYI!!! It truly has something for everyone and her artichoke dip is A-MAZ-ING!! Buy it immediately!! But I digress…) As I listened to her talk about her journey, I was suddenly gobsmacked by the realization that I, with all my brazen fervor, all my talking the talk, all my rallying to the cause, had let my resolve atrophy to the point that I…I...was no longer a vegan.
I was…a Smegan. I had dissolved into a "sort of vegan" whose principles did not extend to wine parties, cupcakes or PMS. Or my neighbor Erika's unending bowl of seasonal M&M's. Or Thursday's...
What the Fennel?!?! When did I get so lazy???
Sure when I was procuring my own food I was vegan, but if I was at someone's house or if I had had a long day or if I was in such a cheese frenzy that I was going to hurt someone if I didn't get some cheddar…then all bets were off. But really, what's the harm? Who would even know?
Well, Buddha-darnit, I know! I decided right then and there that the egg timer had chimed. Enough was enough. I was going balls to the veggie wall. I was back and in affect**! (**spelled incorrectly for emphasis! I'm "affecting"…you know, as in "affecting" people…Oh, never mind.)
My "Back on the Turnip Truck" Plan
(starting yesterday) I am participating in…NAY…conquering…NAY…butt kicking and taking names so I don't kick the same butt twice-ing the PCRM 21 Day Vegan Challenge. For 21 days its all veg nothing but veg. No sneaks, cheats or anything from cow's teats.
Repeat Step 1.
Suck on that Wine Party! You have no power over me! Thank you Ms. Silverstone! You've brought my chickens home to roost!***
(***final (vegan)cheesy metaphor. For now…)