My Brain on Hot Yoga

6:45 a.m. My alarm goes off.  Oh, that's right.  I'm supposed to wake up now.  Today I am taking class at a new Hot Yoga studio that Liz told me a about.  "Hot" yoga is when the room is kept at a balmy 90 degrees.  I've never tried it before but have always been curious about it.  If I want to have enough time to drink coffee and still make it to class 15 minutes before it's start time,  I need to be out of bed by 7.  The website said they lock the doors when class starts.  NO latecomers. Can't be late.  
I'll just close my eyes for 5 more minutes.

6:50 a.m. For 5 more minutes.

6:55 a.m. For 5 more minutes.

7:00 a.m. For 5 more minutes.

7:10 a.m. John comes in. "Didn't you say to make sure you were up by 7?"  Hmmm…I vaguely remember telling him, "Whatever you do…DO NOT let me sleep past 7!!  No matter how much I beg and plead!!" He's not leaving until I'm up.  Alright.  I'm up.  I'm up.

8:15 a.m. Why, why, why did I hit snooze so many times?!  Now I'm late!  I'll never make it to the class by 8:45.  I'm such an idiot!  I'm going to get locked out!

8:30 a.m.  I'm early. No traffic.  Apparently the rest of Los Angeles are cozy in their beds or drinking coffee or eating blueberry scones….

8:35 a.m. The door to studio is locked.  I pull on it.  Again.  And again.  Yep definitely locked.

8:40 a.m. I try the door again.  Nope locked.  Is there some other secret door that I'm missing?  I sit on a bench and will the door to open with my mind. 

8:42 a.m. I see a lady in yoga gear open the door to studio.  Ha Ha!  My Jedi Mind Trick worked!  I make a mad dash to grab the door.  Too late.  Locked again.

8:43 a.m. Yoga lady opens the doors.  For real this time.

8:45 a.m. Studio is beautiful!  I head to the locker room to change.  Liz told me to wear really short shorts.  ("You are going to sweat like crazy!  Wear as little clothing as possible!")  Liz is petite and adorable and looks fantastic in little shorts.  I look like someone stole my pants. Oh, well.  I'm sure everyone else will be in inappropriately short shorts, too.

8:47 a.m. No one else is in shorts.  I scan the lobby of the studio.  I'm the only one who looks like I'm wearing a bathing suit.

8:48 a.m.  I walk into the hot yoga room.  Two things catch my attention:  
1. This is WAY hotter than I thought it would be.  
2. The "wall" of the studio is made of one-way glass.  This means that when I was pulling repeatedly on the door and staring at it angrily, I was doing that to a room full of yogi's. Great.  I roll out my mat and prepare to relax.

8:49 a.m. Relaxation my be-hind!!!  I am going to run screaming from this room!  It is so hot!  I'm getting claustrophobic!  I can't breathe!  Why did I listen to Liz?!?  When Liz says a class is "amazing" I should run in the other direction.  Liz is in such good shape that her "amazing" is my "agony."  I'm trapped.  No air!  No air!

8:50 a.m. I'm not leaving.  I got up early.  I have a parking space.  I'm not leaving.

8:53 a.m.  Sweet Je-sus!  When does this class start?!?  And why are there are no clocks in here?!?!  

8:56 a.m. A Tahitian yogi goddess walks in.  She's tan, toned and toting some sort of super absorbent high tech towel that I can only assume is a prototype from Nasa.  She's wearing a headband.  I look at the overly fluffy bath towel that I grabbed in haste and my pale, pale skin.  I look like a plucked chicken…who works indoors…and is obsessed with sunscreen.  A plucked chicken who didn't think about how great it would have been to have worn a headband.  (sigh)

9:00 a.m. Janice our teacher walks in.  "Happy Monday!"  She's wearing a headband, too.  "Let's let go of our ego, our expectation, our judgement."  Yes.  Let's.  "Set an intention for your practice."  I wish for peace.  And that my shorts will stop riding up my butt.  But first…peace.

9:02 a.m. "Let's begin in child's pose."  I'm fine.  This is easy.  What was I so worried about???  Just a little heat.  I. am. fine.

9:03 a.m. "And now moving in downward facing dog…"  I'm going to die.  Right here.  Right now.  I am going to die in downward dog in this hot yoga studio in West LA and my husband is going to re-marry this Tahitian yogi goddess because she will be the only one who truly understands his pain.  My story will become a cautionary tale to warn the masses about trying to be too healthy.  "Oh, did you hear about Jen??  Poor girl.  Just couldn't stop trying healthy things.  Just goes to show you how all that stuff is really meaningless.  Here have another grilled cheese sandwich.  They are good for you…."  NOOOO!!!  I have to live!!!

9:10 a.m.-9:30 a.m. I sweat and move.  Move and sweat.  I am sweating from places that I did not imagine one could sweat from.  I am like a slippery fish.  My once fluffy bath towel is drenched.  I am mentally thanking Liz over and over for making me wear the shorts.  At this point I'm wishing it were socially acceptable to do yoga in a thong.

9:35 a.m. "Great alignment, Jennifer." What?  Who?  Me?  Really?? Feelin' pretty good.

9:40 a.m. "Excellent breathing, Jennifer."  Wait.  Maybe she's not talking to me.  Is there more than one Jennifer in this class?  Jennifer is a really common name.  Maybe the Tahitian goddess's name is Jennifer….

9:47 a.m.  U2's song "Beautiful Day" is playing.  Does this mean class is over????  This song sort of feels like a song one would end a class with…

9:49 a.m. No such luck.  Still moving.  Still sweating.  Still wondering why on earth I thought that this was a good idea.

9:50 a.m. "Ground into the earth…"  And then it happens.  Sweaty cheek pressed to sweat soaked mat, everything comes to a halt.  And all I feel is Joy.  And Calm.  And Love.  Love for the car honking outside.  Love for this oven-like room.  Love for my plucked chicken legs and my inappropriate shorts and Janice and the Tahitian goddess and every living thing just trying to make each day a little better than the last.  Right then and there I become a big sweaty mass of love filled goo.  I am happy.  And at peace.

9:55 a.m. "Find your way into Savasana…" As I lay on the floor, I think about that feeling.  Maybe at our core we house a cauldron of peace and love that only needs heat to make it bubble to the surface.  Maybe if we all did hot yoga we would see how we are truly one being, permanently intertwined, destined to celebrate our oneness and live forever in joyous euphoria. Or maybe I was just really thirsty.  Either way I decide that I will definitely be back to find out.

10 a.m. Water.  LOTS of water. 

-♥ J :)

*Favorite Janice quote: "Everything you need you already have."  
**Find out about taking class at Core Power Yoga HERE.  Bring a towel.  Headband is optional.
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